My dream job is to be a spa critic.
If that position isn’t available then I’d gladly become a gym critic.
Truth be told, I am pretty opinionated especially when it comes to how a gym should be organized.
If I owned a gym…
- Pink dumbbells would be outlawed
- There would be no recumbent bikes with arm rests that look more comfortable than my dad’s Lazy Boy chair
- Everyone would pay the same monthly dues
- There would be nothing but skinny mirrors throughout the club
- All of the trainers would be in better shape than I am
- Any trainer that takes up my a bench while they sit and count their clients reps – FIRED!
- Guys with barb wire bicep tattoos who wear du-rags, carry water in a gallon milk jug, and wear a gallon of Axe cologne need not apply for membership
- There would be a one strike policy on the following items:
- If members do not put their weights away, they’re out!
- If members fail to wipe down their sweaty gym equipment, they’re out!
- If members are caught on their cell phones and it’s not an emergency, they’re out!
- If members are caught wearing a Krispy Kreme t-shirt, they’re out!
- If members are spotted wearing more makeup than a Kiss concert, they’re out!
Can you tell this is a subject that gets me pretty worked up? Maybe a massage will help.
Now I really must go to the gym and then post my resume on monster-dot-calm.
Miz says:
May 21st 2010for some reason your NUMBER ONE is the bane of my “seriously manufactures?!” existence as well.
Lindsay says:
May 21st 2010Totally agree! I’d join your gym to escape those reasons. Especially the pink dumbbells, haha!
Jessica@HowSweet says:
May 21st 2010I agree with all of the above!
Angela @ A Healthy Fit says:
May 21st 2010Could I be your co-owner?
Tracey @ I'm Not Superhuman says:
May 21st 2010I’d ban nudity in the locker room. Some of the things I’ve seen…
Monica Kirby says:
May 21st 2010OH! For real!!! Especially about the trainers being in better shape! The ones at my gym are just glorified rep counters! And most of the swim instructors are HUGE! What’s up with that!? As for the recumbent bikes, who really gets a good workout on those?
Anna @ Newlywed, Newly Veg says:
May 21st 2010Grrr…I hate it when people don’t wipe down their equipment!!!
And I want to be a spa critic too :-)
Samantha Angela @ Bikini Birthday says:
May 21st 2010If member are caught giving other members “helpful” tips on how to lift weights, they’re OUT!
Lance says:
May 21st 2010Hey Joanna!!
I want to visit…and workout…in YOUR gym!!!
Courtney says:
May 21st 2010Wow. I just had this thought the other day! We should go into business and open our own gym. Stupid pink weights…
Heather @ Side of Sneakers says:
May 21st 2010Yes, yes, yes, and yes! Yes to all of that!!
Naomi(onefitfoodie) says:
May 21st 2010hahaha NO pink dumbbells!!! thats for sure!! I have a member at my gym who is about 45 and wears an elmo shirt! EVERYDAY!! ahh he gets thrown out too!
Lindsey @ Foodie on the Rocks says:
May 21st 2010GAHH! the trainers that sit on benches while their clients use the adjacent ones make me want to throw things. Too bad all I could probably throw is a 15 lb dumbell on a good day…but maybe if I used both arms…hmmm ;)
heather says:
May 21st 2010You are the best but you have always been in better shape then me…
april says:
May 21st 2010I’m with you on the pink dumbbells!!
kalli@fitandfortysomething says:
May 21st 2010Yes skinny mirrors! Love this…..Maybe some day you will own your own gym :)
Jody - Fit at 52 says:
May 21st 2010OMG, loved this post & way too funny as I have one of my gym rant posts coming up next week. Yes, I write ahead of time otherwise I would never get anything done or any blogs read.. I am SLOW at this! And yes, I have included some of yours in my past posts & it works me up too!!! DRIVES ME CRAZY! Especially the not putting weights back or not taking the plates off a machine after using it…. why do I have to waste my time cleaning up their mess or spending 10 minutes of my precious time looking for the weights that are hidden in a corner of the gym.. AHHHHHHHHHH!
Tracy says:
May 21st 2010anybody who sings out loud to their music should be banned! it is so disrespectful and rude! if i wanted to listen to those songs, i’d put them on my own ipod. i hate it!
Janet says:
May 21st 2010Funny post! Especially about the Krispy Kreme shirt. I live in Raleigh, NC and here we have a race called the Krispy Kreme challenge. You run two miles, eat a dozen doughnuts, then run the two miles back. Fun race!
Jennifer says:
May 22nd 2010Wow – if you owned a gym, I would be a lifetime member LOL! :) Love it!
sian-girlgetstrong says:
May 22nd 2010hahaha….I think I would be a great member at that gym! One more…is that if anyone has any scent stronger than their BO stick, should be banned! I have many more! Maybe partnership??
amanda says:
May 23rd 2010I love it!! I agree with 100%!
Joyce Cherrier says:
May 25th 2010Joanna, that made me laugh out loud!! The not wiping off the sweat is my biggie! *ick*