My dream job is to be a spa critic.
If that position isn’t available then I’d gladly become a gym critic.
Truth be told, I am pretty opinionated especially when it comes to how a gym should be organized.
If I owned a gym…
- Pink dumbbells would be outlawed
- There would be no recumbent bikes with arm rests that look more comfortable than my dad’s Lazy Boy chair
- Everyone would pay the same monthly dues
- There would be nothing but skinny mirrors throughout the club
- All of the trainers would be in better shape than I am
- Any trainer that takes up my a bench while they sit and count their clients reps – FIRED!
- Guys with barb wire bicep tattoos who wear du-rags, carry water in a gallon milk jug, and wear a gallon of Axe cologne need not apply for membership
- There would be a one strike policy on the following items:
- If members do not put their weights away, they’re out!
- If members fail to wipe down their sweaty gym equipment, they’re out!
- If members are caught on their cell phones and it’s not an emergency, they’re out!
- If members are caught wearing a Krispy Kreme t-shirt, they’re out!
- If members are spotted wearing more makeup than a Kiss concert, they’re out!
Can you tell this is a subject that gets me pretty worked up? Maybe a massage will help.
Now I really must go to the gym and then post my resume on monster-dot-calm.