There was a blag’her named Fitness & Spice

Who wrote a lot about blending protein powder and ice

When not dublin her weights

She was subtractin the processed food that she ate

All while dishing out a healthy dose of corny (slash) sarcastic advice.

Now I really must go wish you a day full of good luck and a wee bit O’ Fitness & Spice!

Raise your hand if you have complained one or more times this week about losing an hour of sleep from daylight savings time?

That’s what I thought.

Don’t worry…you’re in good company. I’ve complained no less than 5 times. Even I’m getting tired of hearing me talk about it of foggy I am.

And then I remembered this video…

What excuses do you need to quit repeating?

Now I really must go grab a quick cup of coffee and hit the the gym!

I had a personal trainer who told me that the exercises you hate the most are the ones you should be doing.

I’m pretty sure she fed me that line every single time I belly-ached about having overhead squats in my training program. I hate overhead squats.

I was thinking about my trainers message as I was plowing through an exercise in my latest plan that I hate about as much as those squats. I fondly refer to this exercise as THE ARSE KICKER. It goes something like this:

Squat thrust->push-up->mountain climber->jump. Repeat 50 gazillion times for 5 sets.

OK, the number of sets and reps may or may not be an exaggeration but it certainly doesn’t feel that way during the workout.

I hate that sequence but I’m learning to appreciate it because it makes me uncomfortable – a zone I know I need to play in a little more often if I want to kick my results up a notch.

Think about it. What exercises should you be doing?

Now I really must go thank that trainer of mine because apparently she really does know squat!

I just read an article about a man who has over 80 tattoos of Julia Roberts on his body.

Now that’s what I call crazy commitment.

I mean, I can hardly commit to a fingernail polish let alone putting a permanent image in ink on my body. Don’t get me wrong, when done well, I think tattoos are fierce and I plan on getting one to 82 of them someday. But not in one sitting and most likely not of the Erin Brockovich megastar, just to be clear.

Speaking of tattoos, I just ran across this quote by John Maxwell:

“Once our minds are ‘tattooed’ with negative thinking, our chances for long-term success diminish.”

This got me thinking…we really are what we think.

So this week I’m going to work on removing the negative thinking etched in my head that are keeping me from reaching my goals. Self doubt, fat talk, what-if’s, guilt trips–be gone! Which will make more room for all of the positive things I am and want to be…like a Pretty (Strong) Woman.

What positive words or images will you permanently tattoo in your head this week?

Now I really must go to the gym and paint my nails…I want to look good if I’m asked to be a bridesmaid in My Best Friend’s Wedding.

My friend Carrie is a pretty good egg.

In fact, if she was an egg, she’d be a Grade A, incredible, edible kind of egg. But enough about Carrie, let’s talk about eggs.

I go through phases with eggs. I sometimes overdose on the suckers and have to break up with them for a spell, but I’m happy to report I got back together with one of my favorite forms of portable protein yesterday.

Why yesterday you ask?

Because Carrie (the-good-egg) gave me the secret to making the perfect hard boiled egg. The best part? They peel perfectly! Her secret? Salt the water. That’s it! That’s the secret.

Let me break it down for you step by step…

• 1. Fill a pot about 3/4 full with cold water and toss in about 2 teaspoons of salt.  Allow the salt to dissolve in the water by giving the water a quick stir.
• 2. Add 1 dozen XL eggs to the cold salt water and bring to a boil. (I love Egglands Best, by the way)
• 3. Once the water comes to a boil remove the pot from the heat and cover for 15 minutes.
• 5. Go do some push ups.
• 6. Rinse the eggs in cold water until the eggs are cool.
• 7. Peel and eat!

I love this method of hard boiling eggs because not only are they easy to peel, but the yolk stays yellow and it doesn’t get all gray and icky. Try it. I bet you’ll get eggsellent results, too…no yolk!

Now I really must go shopping for Carrie’s birthday present…I’m sure I’ll find something that will crack my little Spring chicken right up!

Just yesterday I wrote a riveting story about what to give up for Lent…Fitness & Spice-style.

So today I thought I’d turn the tables and discuss a few things to do more of during the Lenten season. Some people on a spiritual path might use this time to do good things like more volunteer work or spend more quality time with their families. But just for fun, I thought I’d throw out….

10 Things To Do More of During Lent (Fitness & Spice-style, of course)

1. Go greener. Eat those green veggies and recycle…starting with those empty beer bottles leftover from Fat Tuesday.

2. Drink more water.

3. Drink more water than that.

4. Donate your fat clothes to the poor.

5. Unplug from technology and reboot…or better yet go do a boot camp.

6. Read. Novel idea, eh?

7. Read a book to a child.

8. If you’re reading this thank a blogger, I mean, a teacher.

9. Forgive yourself for what went down on Fat Tuesday and/or Monday.

10. Floss. No really…you have spinach in your teeth.

Now I really must go to the gym because I’ve volunteered to workout with one tall drink of water.

One year I gave up coffee every other day during Lent. I’m not sure who suffered more, me or my co-workers…I guess it depends on who you ask.

Moving on…

We are once again embarking on the Lenten season, where the good Catholic kids and the like make some personal sacrifices to prepare for Easter. This is serious spiritual business.

This is not…

10 Things to Give Up For Lent (Fitness & Spice-Style)…

1. Potatoes (Specifically, the “couch” and “chip” varieties)

2. Pink dumbbells

3. Your fat jeans

4. Anything you can order from a drive through window (with the exception of coffee, just to be clear)

5. Charlie Sheen interviews (Because I think we’ve given him more than his 2 and 1/2 minutes of fame, haven’t we?)

6. Spam (both canned and electronic)

7. Lady Gaga meat dresses (on Friday’s anyway)

8. Pajama Jeans

9. Empty calories and empty words like “can’t”…(I can’t stand that word!)

10. YOUR CRAZY OBSESSION WITH YOUR SCALE!

Now I really must go grab some more coffee and get ready to celebrate Phat Tuesday! Care to weigh-in?

I recently bumped up my cardio a bit… and by recently I mean two days ago. As a result of the additional exercise you would think I was starving to death. I am not.

To keep me from devouring an entire jar of peanut butter, I’ve turned to drinking more water and sipping on an occasional cup of almost instant…

Miso Hungry Soup

• 1 cup hot water
• 2 tsp miso paste
• 1/4 sheet of nori seaweed

Heat water in a microwave safe bowl or coffee mug. Stir in the miso paste and top with small pieces of nori seaweed. Sip! But no slurping, please.

Now, let’s address your questions…

• What the heck is miso? Miso is soybean paste usually made by mixing cooked soybeans with a salt, a grain, and a fermenting agent called koji. You’re probably wondering…
• Where do you buy miso paste? I found my miso paste in the refrigerated section of Whole Foods and my local grocery store. I’ve also spotted miso in the Asian section of my grocery store, but please read your labels so you’re not getting any extra unnecessary ingredients.
• How many calories are in this cup of soup? There are approximately 17 calories per cup…so make mine a double!
• Where’s the protein? Relax! I’ve been enjoying this soup before or after a meal or anytime I “think” miso-hungry…it’s a great filler.
• But what if I want to add some protein to this recipe? Be my guest! To add some protein, replace the water with fish broth and/or add some tofu.
• I don’t have any additional questions about miso soup. Thanks, Joanna! Yourso welcome!

Now I really must go hit the shower…all of this cardio has made miso sweaty!

My apologies in advance to all the Star Wars fans reading along today but I hate this quote…

“Do or do not… there is no try.”

I mean, I get the message that is trying to be conveyed, but I just wish Yoda would TRY to use proper sentence structure.

Anyway…

For the past 4 weeks I’ve had a sets of clapping push ups in my training plan. And for the first two weeks I didn’t bother doing them. I didn’t even try. I substituted “jump push ups” which is what I call push ups where both hands come off the ground at the same time for far less than a light year.

I was telling one of my friends that I cannot do clapping push ups and he said, “Well have you ever tried?” To which I responded, “No, because I’m afraid of breaking my nose.” I’m sure he rolled his eyes and that was the end of the conversation.

But the next time the clapping push ups appeared in my plan I decided what the heck…if I break my nose I can get another one.

So I tried.

And there was clapping. In fact, there was a round of applause followed by a standing ovation. OK, that was a slight exaggeration. The point is I can do clapping push ups. I just never tried.

And now it’s your turn. Your homework assignment for the weekend is to try something new or something you’ve always thought you couldn’t do. You just might surprise yourself, too.

Now I really must go try those handstand push ups again..or maybe not. Whatever you do this weekend, may the force be with you!

When I grow up I (still) want to be a greeting card writer for a company like Hallmark or even Someecards.com. So if either company happens to be reading…call me.

But, it has come to my attention that more and more companies have entered the punny one-liner business. Only they aren’t so funny.

For instance, the cough drops I bought today come with a promise of having a “pep talk on every drop” printed on each individual wrapper. Only the messages fell short from giving me any pep whatsoever in fact, studies (would probably) show they made me feel worse.

“Let’s hear your battle cry” was one (COUGH!) pep talk. “Conquer today” was another. Really? I’m sick remember. My goal is to just make it through the day and conquer tomorrow. I’d rather read, “That sucks that your sick” or “Suck it up, you’ll feel better” or simply “Get well soon” would work. Maybe they should hire someone from the aforementioned greeting card companies to write their copy. Or me.

And, don’t even get me started about the one liners on tampon (yes, I said tampon) wrappers marketed to athletes. They, too, found the need to write some motivational quotes on their wrappers as if they were a fortune cookie of sorts. “Get out there and show ‘em what you got.” I have cramps. Enough said.

But there are a few companies that “Just Do It” right when it comes to nailing their motivational messages like:

• Nike of course.
• Words To Sweat By who is doing a good job of reminding me to “Lighten Up” and “Take it all In Stride” with their whimsical mantras on my gym towels.
• Yogi Teas gets high marks in my book by putting quotes on their tea labels like “By honoring your words, you are honored in this world” (I know at least two companies who should start drinking Yogi, eh Boo Boo?)
• Oh, and one more that is totally unrelated to Fitness or Spice. There’s a billboard in town for a convenience store that reads “You’re wife is hot. Buy her a slushy.” Now that is punny.

Now I really must go give myself another pep talk because this sore throat is really starting to cramp my style!